Today’s Heart Exam

This morning as I was praying something really began to bother me. While I know I was still in the "twilight" hours of the morning and I was still in the span of time while my meds were beginning to work, it occurred to me how self-centered my prayers were today.

Lord, help me ...

Lord, teach me ...

Lord, show me ...

Lord, use me ...

Even from the aspect of asking forgiveness and surrendering my life today, it was all about me.

Lord, forgive me ...

Lord, touch my ...

Lord, minister to my ...

Argh! There's more to this woman's heart than that! So, why did I find it so difficult to think beyond the scope of my own life and my own family? Were my prayers somehow hijacked by the tempter to turn everything inward instead of outward? Doubtful!

Jesus, in Matthew 12:34-37, was addressing the scribes and pharisees saying, "O generation of vipers, how can ye, being evil, speak good things? for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh. A good man out of the good treasure of the heart bringeth forth good things: and an evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things. But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment. For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned."

That leads me to the question? Can our own prayers condemn us? I'm beginning to think they can if the abundance of our hearts prove our prayers are self-centered and self-motivated.

I don't mean this whole thought to be self-condemning. Rather, I am using this as a means of examining my own heart (there goes that "my" again). But, have I become so self-centered that my heart can only issue forth those things which pertain to me?

Does all this come from a desperate yearning to continually grow closer to the Lord? Or, does this come from a self-centered heart?

This is what I seek to learn. This must be settled, and settled soon.

Lord, forgive me for self-centered prayers. Help me to reach beyond my own life and my own family to remember the needs and plights of others I know and those I don't know. Help me to be more balance in my prayer time, to be alert and pray according to Your Spirit's leading. Oh, Father, I long to have a right heart before You. Show me Your ways. Teach me Your will. Lead me along Your path even during my prayer time. I long to be wholly yours! In Jesus' name, amen!

Even as I was typing that prayer and praying, I sense the Holy Spirit's tender leading to create a prayer list (and stick to it this time), to take a time each day where I focus on that list alone. Then, my prayers for my heart, my life, and my family won't seem so unbalanced. Praying for my own heart to be made right and transformed into His likeness isn't bad, it's just that my prayer focus needs to be broadened by specific and purposeful prayers for others as well.

Yep, seems so simple. And, it's not as though I don't pray throughout the day continually. But it's time to step it up another level in order to prevent the enemy from using guilt and condemnation against me. God's ways are not complicated, not in the least!

Thank You, Lord, for speaking and guiding me without condemnation. I am at peace in You!

© Jan Ross
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